My adventures on Pornhub

Yes, I admit it; I have a Pornhub account, and I post videos. Not videos in the traditional sense of Pornhub, though. I’ve gotten over 700 subscribers in a month without taking my clothes off. I don’t know what I expected when I joined, but Pornhub life has been an adventure.

It all started with writer’s block. I was working on my latest steamy romance, and somehow I felt like I was writing the same scene repeatedly. I needed something new, something different, something… I don’t know. I turned to the pages of the hub. I clicked on the first few videos that came up and had the same thought over and over again, do people actually watch this? The girls sound good, but their faces show pure boredom and don’t get me started on the cheesy scripts and bad acting. The views were numerous, so I took a peek at the comments. I found myself cracking up for the next two hours. The answer if people watch the videos, I’m guessing, is no. You see the entertainment in the hilarious comments section.

Next, I moved into amateur stuff. My goal was to find what real people like. In many cases, the answer was not cleaning their houses, but these comments were more rewarding with the actual feedback.

I found myself doing something I never imagined; I created a Pornhub profile and interacted with commenters. Soon, I had followers! Imagine!

One night in my utter sleeplessness, I searched erotic stories. I was surprised at the number of results that turned up. The first video I clicked on showed a woman sitting topless on her bed moaning dirty words. I turned that off quickly as that hardly qualifies as a story. The second was only mildly better, but there is still no actual plot, just a woman describing a couple having sex while playing with herself. The third was a series of images narrated by a woman, and it was almost an actual story. This video made me think.

The next day, a good friend of mine, who is enamored with my voice when we talk on the phone, suggested I narrate erotica. “Funny you should mention that,” I replied. He encouraged me I needed to try.

I gave it a shot. I wrote a story with an actual plot, build-up, sexual encounter, and conclusion. I used Canva to find images to illustrate my story and jumped into iMovie to create a video, and “Kitty Cat’s Story Time” was born. The video took several hours before it was approved to go live, and I waited on the edge of my seat. Would people watch it? What would they think of my voice? Would my comment section be full of shenanigans? I almost couldn’t take the anticipation. The story went live, the views started, the likes came, the comments were excellent, and the subscriptions to my page started rolling in. I got message after message of people asking me to write them into a story. I thought, why not? I could write stories for people, and they could pay me. I’m not a porn actress; I’m a writer for hire. I can’t say it’s a lucrative career, but I have sold some stories, and every little bit helps.

After watching what’s out there and writing for myself, there came the other account holders. I’m not sure what I expected in that regard but what I found surprised me. First, there are some really cool people there, and dare I say it, but I’ve made friends with people that want to talk about more than sex! People I look forward to chatting with every day were unexpected.

Then there were some other people. I know there are oddballs in every form of media, but some truly stand out. One man, let’s call him Sam*. Sam appears to be a very nice guy. We chat regularly, tell each other about our day, funny antidotes, standard friend stuff. I notice Sam’s profile says his romantic status is “taken,” so I blow off his flirting as friendly and don’t think anything of it. Eventually, he tells me about his wife and family; all is still good. Then Sam has a secret, can he tell me? he asks. Sure thing, I reply, not knowing what to expect. Sam tells me he has another profile he created as a woman. He has been chatting with a lesbian for some time now, and they have strong feelings for each other.
Sam wants to tell her who he is but is afraid she won’t talk to him anymore. For ten minutes, I thought he was kidding- he wasn’t. So Sam confessed and sent a request from his actual profile. The woman blocked both, and he couldn’t understand why. Sam is heartbroken and mad at me for justifying her anger.

Then there’s Joe*. Joe wants to tell me his fantasy. Now to be fair, I do promote my storytelling as ‘hearing your fantasy read to you in a story,’ but I was not prepared for Joe’s fantasy, and even if he would have paid me (which he had no intention of doing), I was not writing a story. Joe explains how he wants to have sexual relations with his mother after he catches her pleasuring herself. I stop talking to Joe. I don’t want to hear anymore. Soon, Joey* follows my Snapchat attached to my account. The first snap I open is Joey naked. I reply, ‘if that’s your opening, I can only assume it goes downhill from here.’ Joey wants to tell me his fantasy, and I quickly learn Joey is, in fact, Joe. Joe got blocked.

Next, we have Don*. I had fun chatting with Don. He’s witty, well-spoken, and keeps the conversation going. One day, Don asks me what I’m up to, and I tell him I’m outside with my dog. Don tells me dogs remind him of his ex. Harsh, dude, but okay. Then Don explains that he caught his ex having the dog lick her boobs and pussy. ‘Okay, that seems like a good reason to break up,’ I reply. The dog and I go in, and Don asks me where the dog went. I reply he’s in his bed. Don wants to know if the dog has a long tail, and will I film myself tickling sensitive areas with it? No, Don. No, I will not. Don needs his nose bopped with a newspaper.

I also found several 20 something-year-olds who think it’s incredible to try to talk dirty to a woman of my age (I swear if I open one more ‘wyd?’ message, I might scream). There’s a handful of sugar daddies who will spoil me rotten; all I have to do is give them my bank account info. A few would love to host me in foreign countries for as long as I’d like, and one guy who demanded to know my real name and access my personal Instagram account.

I’ve been promoting my book writing on social media for a year and have less than 100 followers. Six narrated stories on Pornhub in a month finds me 733 subscribers and 678 views of my stories. I’ve made a little bit from story sales, My book sales have picked up a little, and I have a handful of new friends. All in all, not a bad deal. We’ll see what the next month brings.

• *Names have been changed

If you are so inclined you will find my stories with my username kittycat002