The Battle For The Stanley Cup, As Told By Stanley The Cat

October is a fun time of year. Not only is the weather cooler, but the female slave is happy; she says it’s hockey season. This hockey season didn’t start in October, though. As she likes me to call her, Mom had to wait until January, and boy was she grumpy! I thought I was the moody one!

Hockey is where a bunch of guys chase something called a “puck” with sticks. My favorite toy is a stick as well, but mine has a mouse on end filled with yummy goodness called “catnip.” Mom says I am a nip addict and need a program. Whatever, mom. Go back to watching the TV.

The puck looks pretty fun to chase; I think I want to try it. I don’t know about this ice business, though. The ice is supposed to go in my water! So, twice a day, I require the slave to supply me with fresh ice or I unleash the battle cry of terror until she complies.

The hockey humans aren’t taking my ice, so I guess it’s okay that they have some too. I don’t know why they put their feet on it, though; Mom yells at me when I put my feet on the ice. Okay, I put my feet on the ice in the glass she is drinking out of, but sharing is caring, right?

So, now Mom’s favorite team is in the playoffs. I don’t know what playoff means, but I like to play! Mom says they are playing for the Stanley Cup. Excuse me? Why do they want my dish? Of course, this cup would have to be named after me, not the other way around.

I like to sit and watch hockey with mom. She gives good cuddles, well, until she starts yelling at the TV. She uses a lot of four-letter words. I’m not bilingual, but I think it’s French. The guy we hear in the game telling everyone what’s going on does a lot of yelling too, but when he yells, mom cheers.

The other day he kept yelling, “POINT! POINT!” Um, excuse me, do I look like a Labrador? I do not point. Mom says Point is the reason she would be a cougar. Whoa, really, mom? I’m a panther; that would be awesome! Then someone is talking about the Big Cat in the net. WHY IS THERE A CAT IN A NET? SOMEONE LET HIM OUT!!! And for goodness sake, how many cats do we need around here? Apparently, the other Florida cats went away. Mom said, good riddance, I’d have to agree.

Now they play with Islands. I think that’s weird. The island makes the puck do funny bounces. My toys make funny bounces too. They’re fun to chase.

I like watching everyone skate back and forth and back again. Sometimes they fall, but they do not land on their feet. Mom says they blew a tire. That’s ridiculous; There are no cars.

Sometimes they throw stuff, take their gloves off, and fight. I don’t know why they need their gloves off; I find fighting much more effective with my murder mittens out; just ask the dogs!

Some of the guys hit the wall pretty hard when they’re playing. I do that too sometimes. Mom laughs at me; she doesn’t laugh at the hockey people.

Lots of people on the TV boo the guys in black and white. I see them on the animal channel; what do these people have against zebras all of a sudden? The guys in black and white put players in a box. Um, hello! Why would you boo that? Boxes are everything! If the players don’t want to sit in a box, I will gladly do it.

I digress. Mom says our team is the champs, and she wants them to be the champs again. So, let’s get down to the serious business; how many shrimps can this Stanley Cup hold? I’m hungry.

Go Bolts!